COW (Jaws Closed)

An important communication skill is being quiet. We call it COW: Jaws On Each Other..

It is, of course, logical to remain silent for a moment after asking a question. This allows the other person to think and gives them time to collect their thoughts. Especially after a good question that prompts reflection.

However, many people do not find it easy to endure silence. If nothing is said for longer than a few seconds, the urge to say something or explain something ourselves quickly arises. And if we start talking again, explaining, asking another question, or suggesting possible answers, we disrupt the thinking process.

Even when a conversation gets tense, or when you have unpleasant news to deliver, it is a human tendency to start talking. More arguments. More explanation. Very occasionally that helps, and usually it doesn't.

 
  • Practice being quiet for a moment after a question or a tense announcement. You will get used to it.
  • Distract yourself if you feel the urge to talk too fast. Count internally: twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four… Four seconds is usually enough.
  • You often start talking too much when you don't know exactly which question you want to ask. You are essentially trying to organize your thoughts out loud. It is better to do this beforehand, especially with sensitive topics. The IMI structure from the next chapter can often help with this. If you already know exactly which question you want to ask, it is easier to keep quiet afterwards.
When do you use KOE to find clients?
  • After each IMI to give the other person time to think about an answer. See the next chapter.
  • If you have something important to say, it helps to announce it, followed by a COW: Peter, something is bothering me …
    If you wait until Peter responds with something like: Oh right, what then? you have his undivided attention.
  • With some questions, you get the other person thinking. And then it takes a while before the answer comes. Suppose you ask: Who do you know who also has this problem? Then the other one probably needs a moment to get going. So COW.
  • After delivering bad news, to give the other person some time to process it. Only then is there room to discuss possible solutions or next steps.
  • After asking the miracle question or another good upchunking question, such as: So what exactly changes within the organization?
  • After asking the question: And what else...?
  • When negotiating after stating your price.
Open your mouth only when you are sure that what you are going to say is more beautiful than silence.

This article was written by Jan Willem van den Brink and Maarten van Os from DreamfactoryIt's based on a chapter from our book Client Wanted – Acquiring as part of your job.

If you wish to use it, we would greatly appreciate attribution.

Want to know more about this topic or how we can help your organization? Email or call us at 0348-741670.